Dance, Magic, Dance

"You remind me of the babe."

"I beg your pardon?"

He shook his elaborately ornamented head. "No, no, you say 'what babe'?"

"Like, baby?"

"That's… no. Not a baby. Just, go with me on this, okay?"

"Who are you?"

"Goblin King. Really not that pertinent to the situation at hand. You remind me of the babe."

She looked uncertainly to the left, then the right.

"What babe?"

"The babe with the power."

"Oh."

"No!" he slammed his gloved fists down on a nearby table. "No, you say 'what power'?"

"Well why don't you just tell me?"

"That's not how this works!"

"So you're just going to keep setting yourself up and expecting me to read your mind and know exactly what to ask?"

"It's pretty rudimentary, honestly."

"Listen, um, Goblin King. I'm just trying to get home."

"That's nice. You remind me of the babe."

"No, really. If you know the way, I could really use some directions…"

"And if you don't cooperate," he said, sidling closer to her and running a glove under her chin in the most flamboyant manner he could accomplish, "Then you won't be going anywhere."

She noticed for the first time that the tights he was inexplicably wearing left little to the imagination and her entire body tightened.

"Oh, God," she said, shoulders drawing up, "Listen… you can have all my money, or my iPhone or whatever, just please don't… don't rape me or anything-"

"What?" he stumbled back a step, aghast. "I'm just trying to sing a song!"

"Well, you can… you can go ahead. I'm just gonna go… over there."

"Rape you? Really?"

"Oh please god please don't."

"No! That's not… I meant, is that how I really come off? I'm trying to be, you know, whimsical. Fun-loving. Maybe a touch sadistic, but not… nothing like that."

"I think you could be just as whimsical in jeans."

"You know what? Fuck this. I'll wait for the next girl. She'll probably be a little better adjusted. Two lefts, one right, click your heels, No Place Like Home. Shoo."

"Oh. Um, thank you."

"Sod off."