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~ivannikolayevich

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About Me Member Hack ivannikolayevich21/Male/United States Recent Activity Deviant for 2 Years
Needs Premium Membership Statistics 154 Deviations
915 Comments
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The Life Cycle of the DudebroIn relatively recent times, a phenomenon has sparked that is sweeping across the countryside with alarming alacrity. Fueled by Jaegermeister and fed by the bank accounts of apathetic, distant parents, this trend has been burning through high school and college campuses like a pandemic, uncontrollable and highly contagious. Its acolytes are known in some circles as Guidos (though this is a misnomer as it implies lineage, rather than class, be the deciding factor); the internet, leaning away from the racial slur in a shocking and uncharacteristic display of acceptance, prefers to term them Douchebags, Alphas or Cooldudes; but the most widely ag The Life Cycle of the Dudebro
by ~ivannikolayevich
I Don't Drink... Wine Viper Starkweather stubbed his cigarette out in his forearm, adding to his already impressive collection of charred pockmarks. He had gotten over the wincing in the summer of 1987, after the Lost Boys had come out and there had been a resurgence of interest in his wretched kind. That had been a challenging summer, he recalled; there is a certain reputation you have to uphold running with the moon, and the carefree, airborne anarchist squatters the film portrayed had done very little good for his personal image. It had been the reason he had changed his name to Viper Starkweather. He needed to stay trendy and chic. The 1800's were over, I Don't Drink... Wine
by ~ivannikolayevich
Three Billy Goats Gruff A torrent of blood burbled from the festering gouges across the little goat's shoulders and neck. His eyes were dim and glazed over, his tongue lolling helplessly into the grass. The wounds were old enough to have become infected, Big Gruff thought, so he must have been laying here bleeding out for hours. White-hot electric rage surged up his spine.   "Medium Gruff…" he mouthed, his gravelly voice a horrified whisper. "Medium Gruff… who did this to you?"   The goat's mouth opened, but no sound came out. His throat clicked.   "Medium Gruff, please," the big goat said, fighting down tears, "How did Three Billy Goats Gruff
by ~ivannikolayevich
How to Raise the Dead Death has always been an integral part of the human experience. Human life is cyclical; we are born, we live, we breed, there are a good deal of taxes, and the punch line is always that we die. Over the years, this has been cause of considerable anger, griping, and the gnashing of teeth. Why should we have to die? Who makes this call, and more importantly, what gives them the right to make this call? Why can't we all just live forever in a beautiful meadow made of rainbows and sunshine? This, and other similarly rhetorical questions, led to the creation of philosophy, which got us no closer to any answers but produced a lot of pretentio How to Raise the Dead
by ~ivannikolayevich
Browse Gallery

HEY

Wed Oct 21, 2009, 5:57 AM
  • Mood: Contempt
  • Listening to: Generic-ass zen jams
  • Reading: Book of Lilith. Jewish feminist psychiatry is hot.
  • Watching: Self-important fuckers protect their work
  • Playing: possum
  • Eating: Nothing. Ever. God, I'm starving.
  • Drinking: Rusty tasting mercury-laden tap water
Get your FUCKING WATERMARKS off all your pictures

No one's here specifically to stroke your ego and if I find a bitchin' picture of a swamp or a temple or some shit like that I'm'a use it as a desktop background or print it out and hang it by my bed or something and you know, gigantic glossy Courier New fucking up the background declaring that THIS PARTICULAR photograph from the top of a building was taken by REGINA P SMYTHE AKA THUNDERKITTY TWATWAFFLE THE MOON-ARCHON DRAGONESS AND DON'T YOU DARE THINK OF STEALING HER MASTERPIECE OR SHE'LL CALL THE INTERNET POLICE kind of destroys the effect, and makes you look less like a talented artist/photographer/glassblower and more like an egotistical, self-absorbed prick. Let's shake the paradigm a little bit and demonstrate that not ALL wannabe artists are megalomaniac fuckheads, huh?

Creative commons, people! That's what separates you from the plagiarizing hacks: YOU can make more, and better. They can't, and will always live in your shadow. Let them steal the shit you don't plan on using anyway. Whether they demonstrate it or not, they'll constantly be thinking, "God, no matter what I do I'll never be that good."

I'm... that's it. I'm done. Fuck.

77 Comments | Previous Journal Entries

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Devious Info

  • Current Residence: the swamps
  • Interests: Sex, drugs, rock and roll
  • Favourite movie: The Dark Knight. The Joker is the shit.
  • Favourite band or musician: Red Hot Chili Peppers, Parliament Funkadelic, Primus, World/Inferno
  • Favourite genre of music: gimmedat funk
  • Favourite artist: Giger, Dali, Goya's Black period and anything surrealist
  • Favourite poet or writer: H.P. Lovecraft, Hunter S. Thompson, Bukowski, Mikhail Bulgakov, Henry Rollins, Chuck Palahniuk
  • Operating System: Smoooooooth.
  • Shell of choice: Red. Come on, man. Green is for chumps.
  • Wallpaper of choice: Olympus Mons on Mars
  • Favourite game: Psychological
  • Favourite cartoon character: Bender
  • Personal Quote: It's what I'm here to do
  • Tools of the Trade: My hands THESE HANDS and three pounds of squishy gray meat. Occasionally a microphone.

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Comments


:iconidyllic-dawn:
~idyllic-dawn Nov 6, 2009, 11:05:20 PM
Oh my God. You need to come to California ASAP. So tonight I went to this Sisco's Mexican restaurant and ate the BEST fish taco my tongue has ever had the pleasure of coming into contact with. You NEED to try one. It's more addicting than heroin and will make you despise LJS.
:iconivannikolayevich:
~ivannikolayevich Nov 7, 2009, 5:03:04 AM
NOTHING could make me despise LJS.

--
walked away from the rank and file
with a punched out mouth and a pack of style
:iconidyllic-dawn:
~idyllic-dawn Nov 7, 2009, 9:56:42 AM
Well, maybe not despise, but you'd definitely be pissed that there's no Sisco's in PA. It's pretty legit. They only hire Mexicans that are willing to wear nothing but Hawaiian shirts and khaki shorts ALL YEAR LONG (even in winter). Now THAT is dedication to awesomeness.
:iconkrappylove:
~KrappyLove Nov 5, 2009, 11:33:59 AM
Well... you've finally found me. I always knew this day would come... somehow, I'm glad. I was growing tired of awaiting my inescapable death, but you... you've changed it all. And now, my fate has been sealed. But that's not to say that I'm going down without a fight... oh, no.

But, on a lighter note, yeah. That's the small bit of work that I have on here. I have pages and pages of better things, but I don't find myself on here as much as I would like.
:iconivannikolayevich:
~ivannikolayevich Nov 5, 2009, 12:21:55 PM
A man is a miserable pile of secrets! Have at you!

Man, toss sommore shit up here, then. Worst case scenario, furries tell you your art sucks and you have provocation and an excuse to maliciously berate them. Best case scenario, weeabos stroke your ego (and/or cack). Win-win.

--
walked away from the rank and file
with a punched out mouth and a pack of style
:iconsparrowsong:
^SparrowSong Oct 27, 2009, 8:50:43 PM
You're welcome. I've enjoyed your writings.
:icontangerinestardust:
~TangerineStardust Oct 27, 2009, 7:31:07 PM
I feel a little strange adding to the mass compliments of your work but you deserve them. I'm definitely going to read more!
:iconivannikolayevich:
~ivannikolayevich Oct 27, 2009, 7:36:38 PM
Don't worry about that, I'd be a pretty shitty egomaniac if I minded.

--
walked away from the rank and file
with a punched out mouth and a pack of style
:icontangerinestardust:
~TangerineStardust Oct 27, 2009, 7:42:51 PM
I suppose that is true.
Heh...
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